We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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