they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
