Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
