and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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