Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
