If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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