I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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