last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
