I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
