Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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