I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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