Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize