dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
