She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
