When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
