You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
