I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
