Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
