I accidentally burped into my bong.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
