The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
