Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
