Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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