Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wish they made helmets for livers.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
