Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
