jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
