grandma shit on top of the toilet
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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