The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize