you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
