Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
