When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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