my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize