So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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