Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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