the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize