have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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