I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
