go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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