What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
