i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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