She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
