Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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