i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
