i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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