the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
