Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
