so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
