i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
