I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
