I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
