I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize