i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
