FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
