His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
