The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
