I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
