Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
