Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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