Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
