Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
