Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
