I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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