I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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