70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
