Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize