4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
