This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
