I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
