So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
